Week 13 - The Stages of Married Life


Me and my wife, even before we get married established principles of independence which included renting a house, and earn sufficient money for our necessities. I confess that great part of this principles where encourage by my wife because when we meet she already was working for some years, and was quite financially independent.
In some occasions, our different backgrounds, caused some stress and contention, but with time, patience, humility, and forgiveness helped overcome many of these earlier personalities discrepancies.
I learned some years ago that the most important antidote to couples overcome personalities discrepancies is developing charity. Charity works as a kind of “glue” that connects two different individualities and turn them into “one flesh”.
One of the most important idea highlighted by Harper&Olsen  (2005) was the concept of “marital identity”. They explain, and I complete agree, that newly married couples must create a kind of invisible fence that provides a unique environment where husband and wife can work in order to be united as one. They must separate from their family’s umbilical cords and learned how to live outside of the mother’s protection.
Contrary to my wife background, I was more family-dependent, I trusted greatly on my mother’s councils and I even made the classic error of comparing my wife’s food with hers. Of course, I learned an important lesson, and I only did it once during our almost 18 years of marriage, because my wife was wise enough to correct me.
With time, we learned to overcome many of this married-life circumstances, and now, that we are dealing with the demanding’s stage 3 type of the Family Life Cycle Stage (Poduska, 194) we are continuing learning and growing together, trying to overcome the life’s obstacles but also, and especially, trying to enjoy the beauty and blessings of married life.

References
Harper, J. M. & Olsen, S. F. (2005). "Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families." In C. H. Hart, L.D. Newell, E. Walton, & D.C. Dollahite (Eds.), Helping and healing our families: Principles and practices inspired by "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" (pp. 327-334). Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book Company

Poduska, B. (2000). Till Debt do us Part, Salt Lake City, Utah: Shadow Mountain

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